A shock is sent shrilling down my spine, igniting each vertebrae like a fuse that’s been lit and is sparkling & burning it’s way from tail to top. What triggered this unrelenting flame was hearing a familiar tune penetrate my ear drum again. It’s absolutely incredible how our senses can bring our mind, soul and bodies back to such memories of the past in such an instant.
I’m laying in bed this evening, with headphones tightly tucked into my ears, listening, breathing, remembering, reminiscing, as I play my song of MEDITATION, that same familiar tune, that gets me through each word that I write and have ever written. I start my writing process now by just listening and letting these words fill my mind… words bubbling up in my head, like boiling water, each idea surfacing with explosion.
This state of meditation that I speak of is far from the ordinary version of meditation that people picture when it’s mentioned; of someone sitting quietly, legs crossed, eyes closed, silence surrounding them, silence suffocating them. No, this meditation I speak of and partake in is full of life, health of the mind; being AWAKE and ALIVE to every moment. I try to live my life in such “meditation”, absorbing everything in my surroundings; like a selfish child sitting on the floor of a playroom full of toys, grasping, grabbing, tightly clinging to every toy in the room, with arms full and their head spinning left to right, on guard, prepared to take on any intruder who dares to take any one of these treasures away. My experiences and encounters of daily living are what I want to grasp on to and carry with me forever.
My eyes are my hands, for they grasp everything that I want to hold, and those real treasures of life are locked behind the rib cage of my broken, mortal body, where my heart resides, protecting my true soul and all that it entails.
I have felt so distant and out of touch with my mind over these past few months, which is why I’ve started so many passages of writing and never published any since the end of October. This heart cage of mine has felt dungeonous, and left my eyes in the dark, as I’m stumbling and fumbling around, trying to put my feet back where they belong underneath me.
This song rhythm tingling in my ears though has brought life back to these fingers that now so diligently type this story.
So…what have I been afraid of? This writer’s block that I’ve let keep me in the dark and become unfamiliar with the voice inside of me? It’s nonsense. So today I finally let my eyes open up again for the first time without any intention except to absorb. I took a walk in the dark, trusting in where I may end up even with no end goal in sight, for I trusted that all I needed to see would present itself along my journey of faith.
The times that we trust in our own intuition is when we end up exactly where we are supposed to be. When we fight and try to analyze each and every move we make, planning out the future, as if we somehow know what it will hold is when we become the most lost of all.
In starting my lone hike today, I didn’t know where my feet would land 4 miles down the road, how long I would even hike or what obstacles may present themselves along the way; I only knew and could only react to right where I was standing. I was standing on the dirt trail of Washington’s Lacamas Lake, with no one in sight, with a sprinkle of rain that made the leaves of the trees dance in front of me, the lake sitting still and peaceful, mirroring the mountain & tree line above and a quietness in my heart that was ready to hear itself speak again.
I spent the whole afternoon being reacquainted with myself again. For these last several months where I’ve felt spiritually in the dark, it is only because I’ve let the outside world’s chaos drown myself out. It is so easy to live through our days with no awareness, with no recollection of who we are and why we are here.
So today I searched! Along my hike, I came across a wooden boat dock, so I tip toed my muddy sneakers all the way to the edge and peered down into the glistening water. There I was, as familiar as ever, smiling back up with a ripple of energy flowing through me. In that same moment I heard a large splash as a fish came flying out of the water about 20 feet away. What a delight it was to share in their presence and excitement to just merely be alive!
The small gesture of joy that lit up a smile within me made me realize how easy it is to spread a smile across someone else’s face, to spread that ripple of energy from one specimen to another. So as I kept that smile on my face that I so clearly saw reflecting back at me from the lake, I decided to smile, wave and acknowledge every person in passing I came in contact with on this hike that I was continuing on.
There was no surprise at all, that in every single passing person, I smiled, said hello and no matter what their initial expression was, ALL of those expressions turned into a smirk, smile or warm hello back. What a simple concept. Such an easy way to lift the spirits of those around us, by merely being awake and alive and acknowledging. We hear the saying often, “you get what you give”. And it couldn’t be more true. The more we spread love, share love and live in the moment, the more love filled our lives will be in return.
I ended up hiking for about 3 hours, with several encounters, exchanging smiles with each and every one. The more I shared joy, the happier I felt. The plants looked greener, the flowers more colorful, the moistness in the air became softer, the trickle of waterfalls sounded more peaceful. When I walked down that same dock on my way back down the trail, I tip toed my feet all the way to the edge of that wooden dock again and it was as if he were waiting for my return, because again, that large fish came flying out of the water to splash back at me once more.
There is so much life before our eyes and somehow we miss most of it. It’s such a tragedy. But in today’s small lessons, I’ve realized that as crazy as life may be, the very moment we take time to examine the world around us, is the same moment it responds back. 🙂
I realize haven’t had some profound thing to say in my writings today, but I’ve let my words leave freely, with no sense of self control. No expectation of result, just again being reacquainted with my own mind, as I’ve let my own tunnel vision get the best of me lately. But all it takes in life to turn things around is awareness! The small moments of the day are what make the memories. They create the warmth in our heart and carry the life in our veins. When we let ourselves become distracted, we are throwing away our days, one after another.
So today I just have to end in saying the simplest thing…BE AWAKE AND ALIVE!